Of boyfriends and exes. The tell all…

The following blog contains words of an adult nature. Reader discretion is advised…

Everybody called him Mike. I called him Michael. I was 21 he was 41. It was lust at first sight. My parents hated him. Claimed he was a bad influence and too old for me. There was nothing I could do about it, the heart wanted what the heart wanted. I still remember his scent, his touch, his d…HOLD UP! Did you really think I was gonna air my private life in public? You know I’m classier than that. I’d write a book and sell it to the publisher who offers the most money then if I’m lucky turn it into a blockbuster. Now that’s classy!

I’d write it as a memoir but most stuff in it would probably be illegal so to be safe, I’d publish it as fiction. Also, it would prevent exes from suing me and claiming a portion of my hard earned millions *smart move*

I digress. This post is about TV shows I’ve been watching of late with snippets from the up coming memoir (lets call it a memoir for now, still working on a title) Enjoy!

The best I’ve ever had
Aka best show in television history. Period!
The sopranos

The menage a trois
Aka House of cards
If I were to get a sugar daddy it would definitely be Frank Underwood. The older guy I go to for career advice… and a little extra ;). Claire Underwood is my ultimate woman crush all day everyday. Get the two in the same room as I and that would be a threesome worth documenting. Can I get an Amen?

The no strings attached
Aka shows I couldn’t care less about but still see each other from time to time
Black sails
Dominion

The mistress
Aka shows I don’t want people to know I’m seeing
Desperate housewives

The no hard feelings
Aka shows that are great but we mutually agreed to stop seeing each other
Mad men
The walking dead
Person of interest

The turn me on
Aka shows that masquerade as TV shows but are actually porn (not that I’m complaining)
Game of thrones
Girls
Sex and the city
Basically every single show on HBO

The came too soon
Aka shows that ended before I’d had enough
Breaking bad
Weeds
Lost

The il give you the time of your life
Aka shows I’ve heard enough of how good they are. It’s time we put this matter to bed *see what I did there?*
Fargo

The ‘to do’ list

Come on! you saw what I just did there, ‘to do’… no? okay! I give up!

Aka shows I’m planning to watch in the near future
How to get away with murder
Sons of anarchy
Ray Donovan
Bates motel
The good wife

The seduce me                                                                                                                                                     

Aka shows I’m interested in and wanna see where its going

The blacklist                                                                                                                                                            The affair                                                                                                                                                                The following                                                                                                                                                  Orange is the new black

The cut the melodrama
Aka shows that are great but I don’t see us working out long term
Scandal
Empire

The one that got away
Aka shows were canceled after only one season. Why ABC? WHYYYYY?
Flash forward

The its not you, its me
Aka shows that are GREAT, they really are. Its  just sad that it didn’t work out between us 🙁
True detective
Downtown abbey

The don’t call me, imma call you
Aka ever been on a bad date?

Grey’s anatomy
Brothers and sisters
Castle

The you’re so funny
Extras
The office (US)                                                                                                                                                          p.s interesting how both shows have something to do with Ricky Gervais

The Deflower me                                                                                                                                                 

Lets be serious for a minute now. This one is close to my heart.

A few months ago I auditioned for a show called ‘The Expanse’. It went great. They made an offer (in the industry we call it a test) I tested for the studio executives at the Syfy channel and signed a test seven year contract. After a lot of back and forth and countless prayers, the role went to the other actress. I was crushed. Yes I did cry  but in retrospect, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It was my first time getting that close and it was magical. The trailer just came out. IT LOOKS AMAZING!  watch it here. This is definitely gonna be one of the best shows for 2015.

Image: Javed Jafferji

Epic Line: its your first week anniversary? OMG! I’m so happy for you guys the first week is so hard but if you haven’t slept with someone else by now, its a pretty good sign.

-Weeds-

Disclaimer: this blog post is proudly brought to you by the voice(s) in my head. It does not intend to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any acting inabilities. If symptoms persist, consult an acting coach