TABLE FOR ONE, PLEASE.

Someone once told me that they would like to be alone but wouldn’t want to be lonely. I thought that was impossible. One can simply not have both. I was wrong. You can have both. As I came to learn.

A few years ago I would never go to the movies by myself. I would often see someone seated by himself at the cinema and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. I’d always wonder, doesn’t this person have a girlfriend/boyfriend, family or even a friend to go to the movies with? Same thing would happen at restaurants. Every time I’d go out to dinner with someone I’d see at least two solo diners. I’d often assume that they are traveling alone or are in town for business for a few days. I wouldn’t want to imagine that it was because they were lonely.

Last year though, something changed. I just wanted to be left alone. Not because I was anti-social, I just wanted to hang out with myself. What made it worse, was that I moved into my own apartment. No more roommates, which meant I could be as alone as I wanted. We could spend a whole weekend in doors, just the three of us; Me, Myself and I :). I switch off from the world. I don’t respond to any emails or messages, don’t answer my phone, don’t answer the door… basically no human interaction whatsoever. I’d spend the time taking very long baths, watch movies and series, vacuum and generally clean my apartment, do some ironing, have a chat with God, nap (oh! I love naps), write in my journal, think, cook, read, fantasize, have a dance/sing off with Beyonce in front of the mirror (I think I’m revealing too much so I will end this here)

This may sound nasasistic but, some of the best times I have had the past year have been times spent by myself. It’s like recharging and when I finally get back to the ‘real world’ things have changed…for the better. I see things from a different angle. Sometimes even my emotions change. I care more about something/someone or sometimes stop caring all together. It’s like a reset button has been pushed.

Also, I learnt how to take myself out. It doesn’t all have to be in doors. These days I love going to the movies alone. You know, at those less busy times like 12 pm on a Tuesday. What’s funny is, most people at the cinema at that time are also by themselves and if by any chance we happen to sit at close proximity to each other one just moves a few rows to the front or to the back. It’s like an unspoken rule. At some point, when I start to make more money I plan to be travelling solo. I will start with a few weekends out of town and finally start travelling to different countries. Exploring different cultures, people, food, lifestyles and everything else in between.

I want to do all these things now before age and parenthood catches up with me.

That doesn’t mean I want to be lonely. No. It just means I want to be alone. I still want to go out with my friends, still want to have long conversations on the telephone, still want to skype, still want to reply to that inbox, email or sms and I will do that. At some point, but as of now table for one, please.

Photo: Mark Wijsman

Parting Shot

Disclaimer: this blog is proudly brought to you by the voice(s) in my head. It does not intend to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any personal issues. If symptoms persist, click  here